Timing is everything

What a man doesn’t realize contributes a great deal to “what we did all day”, is think! First of all when you have 3 kids people lose faith that you ever will be on time for anything anymore so they start telling you the party is a half an hour earlier. I haven’t told my husband that yet because he contributes to the lateness.
A woman can get all 3 kids ready and herself in the time my husband takes to beautify himself. We sacrifice the 5 minutes of staring at ourselves in the mirror and reading our magazine on the toilet and spraying 3 spritzes of perfume. We will get the outfits ready the day before and the back up outfit for the child who decides he’s his own stylist the next day, for the baby who will poop herself right when you’ve packed her into the carseat,for the 5 year old who might pee himself at the party because he is too busy playing and the extra outfit for you in case you feel fat in the morning or you need to wear pants instead of a skirt because the time you have slotted for shaving your legs was taken up by “I don’t wanna wear those clothes” kid!! All that pre planning for plans being messed up is very time consuming.

Then you have to plan the order in which you will get everyone ready. Breakfast is served as per request. You must ask 3 times what they want because the first time they dont hear you, the second time they answer you but are not paying attention and The Third time in case they weren’t listening to themselves the first time and they didn’t like their choice. 5 minutes to get them to sit down, 5 minutes to convince them to stay, 15 minutes convincing them to eat what they chose. You must ask them how they want their food cut before you ruin it and have to start all over. Baby eats cereal and as much as you want to get that oatmeal out of her hair you are better off bathing her right before “clean clothes and exit” in case she poops up her back of not running the risk of danger due to putting her in water right after she has eaten. Everyone else has been bathed and showered the night before to save time

Older child gets his clothes laid out and you ask him to get ready first because you know you will have to ask him 10 more times before you start the process of having to remind him every step of the way. Second child’s clothes laid out and you so sweetly and excitingly (yes you have to be an actress too) tell him it’s time to get ready. Wait for it. … It’s either “ok mamma” or ” no I don’t wanna to go i don’t like that top” . If it’s “i don’t want to go”, you leave him to get yourself ready and let him have his tantrum, remind the older one to get ready and hope baby is still asleep during that yelling. There goes 5 min. If its the latter, then you take out 2 other shirts and tell him to pick one because if you ask him what he wants he will make you go through the whole drawer until you realize he picked the one that’s in the wash still wet so you can’t even smell it and spray it and put it on him. There goes another 10 min. Lol. And then you remind the older one to get ready. Now he has Woken the baby and since she is such a princess, she will be happy playing with her feet a bit you’ve decided to put your make up on. You try real hard not to get your husband to deal with middle child syndrome boy but sometimes the extra half hour you scheduled in is only good enough if you use a life line. They listen to him real fast making him not understand why you take so long to get ready.

No time to experiment with your hair. Baby pooped up her back. Hair is going in a ponytail. Bathe and dress baby. Pack her bag-duspers, wipes, cream, pajamas, Change of clothes, bib, spoon, cereal, bowl, formula, bottle with hot water, kleenex, pacifier (your saviour), toy, pacifier wipes, breastfeeding cover. Im Sure you forgot something. Put on your outfit. doesn’t look as good as it did when you had it on your bed laid out. Change.

Exit procedure in progress. Shoes and coat could take 5 min unless child doesn’t want coat or shoes or can’t find matching glove. Add another 5. Put baby in car seat only after other kids are ready to avoid overheating and wait for daddy to come up the stairs just as you take a final look in the mirror to hear him say, ” c’mon babe. Let’s go. You had all day to get ready!!! what did you do all day!!???? aaaaah !! Daddy loads the car while you change your top again due to unnoticed stain or not meeting up to your attempt to look a bit sexy. Where are the keys ? Out the door. Where’s my phone. Back in the house.

Needless to say. Just thinking about leaving the house is tiring and stressful because I, unlike my husband, can anticipate the delays that come with that venture. It took me 5 days just to write this blog ! And leaving him to do it just involves too much explanation and an understanding of cause and effect and the ability to pay attention to explanation. He would end up calling me anyway

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