Ever scratch one of your kids by accident and then freak out because by their reaction someone at school is gonna call the abuse police. Is it a man thing or a child thing to cry bloody murder for a bandaid as if a little scratch on the finger is an amputation. What happened to the days of ” i better not cry or daddy will scratch the other hand so they match!” Lol
I forgot the best part
Doesn’t it get confusing when you try to punish your child for something you do or you potentially taught them? Lol like when they come home and another kid on the bus says your son used the F word. I wonder where he learned that? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the teacher. You ask him why he did that and he tells you the kid was staring at him. You really wanna high five him. But you nicely tell him,”just tell him not to do that or ask him why he is looking at you. Maybe he liked your hat.”. You try your best to make yourself look like a good mom in front of the other parent and scold your son in front of them telling them how bad it is to say that and they hurt someone’s feelings. What you really want to say is, “FUCK kid. Keep…
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Doesn’t it get confusing when you try to punish your child for something you do or you potentially taught them? Lol like when they come home and another kid on the bus says your son used the F word. I wonder where he learned that? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the teacher. You ask him why he did that and he tells you the kid was staring at him. You really wanna high five him. But you nicely tell him,”just tell him not to do that or ask him why he is looking at you. Maybe he liked your hat.”. You try your best to make yourself look like a good mom in front of the other parent and scold your son in front of them telling them how bad it is to say that and they hurt someone’s feelings. What you really want to say is, “FUCK kid. Keep that shit at home where I can slap you” And you stand there secretly praying that he won’t say, “but mommy, you say that.” How do you explain to them that you are an adult and you are allowed? As if you are not hurting someone yourself. I could just see that lesson. “Honey, mommy says “fuck” when she is angry or surprised or in awe or finds something funny. She’s not saying it about someone.” Pretty much mommy fucking swears all the time. The only thing she doesn’t say is ” Fuck you” no matter how much she wants to sometimes. “Ok honey? Don’t do it anymore” lmao I love how the other mother just stands there trying to help you show disappointment in your son when you know damn well she is saying to herself, “Thank fucking God that wasn’t my son” Buahahaha. Fake parents. Go bake pancakes with the PTA and pretend you go to church on Sundays and you happened to miss it the one time i show up!!
So I tell my son that he has to write a sorry note. So he takes a piece of paper and writes”I’m sorry ” I said, “What are you sorry for?”so he writes ,” for saying the F word” although he claims he only said half the word. Lol. So I say, aren’t you gonna draw a picture ?” He says,”no” ok I said write who it’s from. He says to me, “Mommy, I’m gonna give it to him. He’ll know who it’s from.” Little smart ass! Then I tell him that he can’t play his iPod until he comes home from school and he says he doesn’t like that punishment. Hahahahaha. “That’s why it’s called punishment. You’re not supposed to like it. ” lol. He says, “Give me a botte instead!” i almost peed my pants. Isn’t parenting fun? Now if I could only use that on my husband!
Everyone thinks they can sing. They just don’t admit it. We know you sing in your car or the shower or while you get ready to go out and even if you don’t think you can sing, you always sang to your babies until one day they turned 3 and they say, “Mommy don’t sing””stop!” And your heart just brakes and you stop and think….. Why didn’t they tell me they didn’t like my singing and it occurs to you –all those nights you sang so sweetly to them they were trying to tell you to shut the F up but they couldn’t speak yet!!!!!!! Wah!!!!!!
So i tried to be a good mom and make dinner exciting. Let’s make quesadillas and have the kids help me. So I let my 5 year old grate the cheese which he’s done many times. His hand slips and he cuts his knuckles and after crying hysterically he says mommy I hope it’s better by Tuesday. “Why Tuesday?” I say. ” because that’s iPad playing day”. That’s what he thinks about ! What about school on Monday? What if you can’t write?” ” I’ll just use my other hand. ” —— Priorities
Then his father comes home and he says, ” I can’t run papa . I hurt my finger. ” —–excuses. which I find funny and annoying at the same time. Then as I knew would happen, my husband gets mad at me because I let my son use the grater which he has used a million times. He says, ” I never let him grate cheese.” He’s obviously never had a child asking for cheese on his pasta while holding another and getting the third one juice. He Says, ” I’m not mad at you son. I’m mad at your mother ” and my wonderful son who I was trying to have mommy time with decides to throw me under the bus says, “ya, she let me do it!” Thanks!!! That’s what i get.
Is there really a Good cop parent and a Bad Cop Parent? Cause I’m like that cop that sits at the desk. Takes in all the crazies and criminals and yells on the PA system but no one freaking hears or sees me unless they want something. Even then they just pass the cheese string for me to open without making eye contact.
In my house Dad gets to play both cops. I don’t get how that happened either but it did. He spends maybe a total of half hour a day with the kids and in that half hour he is like the scariest drill sergeant nazi and the funniest papa in the world. They listen to what he tells them to do. It’s like different children exist for that half hour.
Do I like it or don’t I? Well it’s nice to get the kids off my back for that little time and maybe get some things done but he also manages to teach them to burp at the table and at the end of those whole 30 minutes He looks at me with those eyes that say, “piece of cake. What is all your complaining about?”
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! I wanna see you keep that up all day!!!!! You can only be chipper and excited about playing letter games during lunch for so long. I want to see how you feel after constantly scolding and having to be behind them every 2 seconds. 2 arms 2 legs 3 kids. While you are having your half hour. I’m still here for you to fall back on.
Yes. I’ve left them here with him and gone out. He makes popcorn and puts them in front of a movie and they all sit down and even nap! Soooo easy. Urgh!!!!!!
I wanna be the president!!!
For the Facebook followers who didn’t get this
Let’s talk about cartoons for a second:
Who picked out Dora’s outfit? Who sat there and decided there wasn’t enough ink to make her shirt an inch longer?? Seriously am i supposed to let my daughter watch a little girl who is half naked run around a jungle with a monkey???
At least half naked pebbles was a cave child.
And what about Max and Ruby. Im waiting for the day when my kids ask me where the hell their parents are??? Who thought it was ok to have 2 bunnies live alone?
And what about Caillou? Do I really need a kid to teach my kids how to make their Whine even more annoying ? Whoever thought these cartoons up must just want to torture us?
How about the smurfs? 1 papa, 1 million kids, 1 daughter, No mamma smurf. Not your typical family. It’s like a tlc show.
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