Anything for my sick child.

So it’s past 1:00pm and my son hasn’t had lunch or breakfast. He’s been under the weather a few days and has been saying he’s not hungry. He’s been eating tidbits here and there but today he asks me for spaghetti and I jump for joy inside. I just cleaned up the kitchen disaster from last night and this morning and was about to make myself lunch because unless coffee constitutes as breakfast, I didn’t have breakfast yet either. I am not going to eat a plate of pasta,so I decide to make egg salad. I boil the water for my son and he asks me every 2 minutes if its ready and i feel bad but I’m happy about it. So i look in the pasta drawer and to my horror, i have no spaghetti!!! So in the most enthusiastic voice i say to my son, (who’s like a ticking time bomb I’m trying to disarm without cutting the red wire, or is it the blue one? ) “I have penne. Want penne? ” “No” Out comes misery. “What about alphabet soup?” “No spaghetti!” Now I know what all you perfect moms are saying. Too bad, let him cry. But the kid wants to eat and I’m not gonna risk him deciding he’s not hungry!!! So i message my neighbours, who are conveniently not answering, to see if they had spaghetti. I tried to get him to look in the drawer to see if he would change his mind and nothing. I tried thinking of different kinds of food to make look like spaghetti and nothing. Finally my neighbour messages me back and I tell my son, yay!,
I’m getting spaghetti from my neighbour. He didn’t like that idea, so I found myself sneaking out, running to the neighbours and telling my son I had a pack in the car. Whew, the day is saved and it’s only 2:00pm. So I make him spaghetti and do the “hide the butter” routine till it melts cause for 2 years my son has wanted pasta with nothing on it but he doesn’t get that it will stick. So I ask him if he wants cheese, cause even that depends on his mood and he says “no”. OF COURSE today he decides he wants sauce in his pasta. No turning back now. I blended some tomatoes, onion and garlic and made really undercooked sauce because we are on a time limit before he decides he’s not hungry. So I serve him and as I make my sandwich, I have to take breaks and help him twirl the pasta because that’s what he decided to choose the day I’m starving too. Finally I get to sit down and have my lunch and after one bite when he has inky taken 3, he looks at my sandwhich and says, Mommy what’s that?” For a moment I wanted to be in one if those cereal commercials and tell him it was really bad and he wouldn’t like it but anything for my sick child. I wanted to cut him a piece but he insisted on biting and putting his contaminated saliva into my longed for sandwich. So he bites and wants more and i give him a quarter of my sandwich, reluctantly. He took two bites and decided he didn’t want anymore along with the pasta. What he wanted was the glass of water that belonged to me, even though he had a perfectly good glass of juice in front of him with the straw he took 10 minutes to choose!!! but anything for my sick child!!! The best part is that I thought this time would be different.

Tattoos

Did you ever make the stupid mistake of letting your kids put 6 tattoos on each Arm on a Sunday and realize that he has to wear a t-shirt to school tomorrow? I did. On the first day the teacher may think it’s cute. The child must have gone to a party. It’s so nice that his parents take him to these things. Or being in a catholic school she may think that’s its a bad thing and make him wear a sweater. The next day she may think your child didn’t want to take them off just yet or last night wasnt bath night. But on the 10th day where the tattoos look like my nail polish does right now, the teacher is gonna start thinking I don’t bathe my child at all!!!! Should I write her a note explaining how my child baths with his arm sticking out of the water?? Or will she not believe it???

Others are going through it

So I went to bring my son to Italian school and it was a pretty good morning. I only had to prepare one child and not try to find a sitter last minute because sometimes my daughter is sleeping or eating when I need to bring him and on winter days I cannot fathom trying to bring all 3 kids, be on time, meaning no tantrums, take them out and put them back in. I also dont look forward to trying to find parking, because everyone knows they don’t make enough parking spots at an elementary school, even if you piled 10 children in one car. How the hell did that conversation go?

idiot 1: “ok so to build a school we need parking spots.”
Idiot 2: ” yes, so we have 10 teachers, let’s make 10 parking spots.”
Not so Idiot1: “What about the kids?”
Super idiot: “Kids don’t drive”
Super Super idiot: “oh, true. Ok then we are good then!!!!!!”

Stupid, stupid idiots!!!!! Did you forget that you told me my son was to close to the school to get bussed? Did you think I was gonna walk all 3 kids in the snow to your school???? and even if you realized I needed to drive my kid, did you think i was just going to drop my 5 year old off and let him roam the halls alone? He doesn’t even have the strength to open the door to the building. And if he did, my son cant go from point A to point B without analyzing all the brick deformities on the way to the classroom. Distraction is his best friend.

So i need to park. Crazy enough so do 15 million other parents whose kids were enrolled!! and guess what? they all start at the same time yes!!

Anyway, to my point, so as I walked into the school, I watched one parent bribe their kid to go to the classroom and another parent take his crying child and say,”I’ve had enough of this! You’re not playing the iPad when you get home!” So many thoughts ran through my mind.
Firstly, i smiled and thought, “Good, I’m not the only one who wants to strangle my kid in public. Secondly , with a grin, i thought, “Thank God that’s not me today”. Lol. But as i drove home i also thought. When are our kids actually scared? Are we forcing them to stay in a class with that scary Italian lady who seriously looks at me worse than my in laws do when i dont speak italian as if she’s thinking, “You just want a few hours to yourself on Saturday. You don’t really want to teach your kid Italian.” I would be scared of her if I was five. She does not look like she wants to be there either. Maybe she’s trying to be like the teachers way back when in Italy or Maybe I took her parking spot. Either way. Suffer bitch!! You gotta deal with it for 2.5 hours. I got a whole life ahead of me. And you get paid. I’m going to Tim Hortons!!!! lmao!!!!! And I’ll be late picking up my kid so I can get a parking spot!!’

Diaper bag recipe

For those of you men who wonder why it takes so much time to get a baby ready to go out, you fail to see that we dont just have to dress the child and go. It’s like an experimental cookie recipe. It involves timing and a hypothesis or 2. Depending on the time of day you need to bake these cookies, the ingredients needed may change.
You’ll need:
1 large multi pocket thermal diaper bag
1 diaper per hour you go out.
1 Change pad
1 pack of Wipes
1 container of Vaseline
1 container of Cream in case of rash
5 Disposable scented bags
1 extra undershirt
1 extra pair of pants
1 extra top
1 extra pair of socks
1 hat
1 sweater depending on whether
1 bottle of hot water in case the place you go to has none
1 sippy cup with drinkable water
1 pacifier
1 Back up pacifier or you cAn supplement with pacifier wipes
1 Pacifier string
1 Pacifier container
Formula enough for 2 bottles plus
backup in case you lose a bottle
1Burp pad
1 bib
1 serving of cereal and back up
1 meal including a meat and veggie and fruit
3 packs of Mummums to keep them busy in between.
You May need extra meal in case day goes long which or your daughter kicks the bowl out of your hand
1 extra bib
2 face cloths
2 spoons
1Fruit sucker
1 toy to distract them.
1 pair of Pajamas in case you end up staying late
1 Extra top for you for mishaps
1 Health card
1 bottle of Tempra in case of fever
1 Thermometer to know
2 Camillia for teething
2 Cocyntal for gas
2 Coryzalia for cold
1 Nose sucker
1 Extra Hair accessory
1 Hair tie for you that moment you decide everyone has already told you how good you look and you are too sweaty to care
2 Breast pads for you
3 Panty liners for you
I’m sure I forgot something.
No time left to bake it—are you kidding?? Did you really think I had time to bake????
And that’s only enough for one kid.
So next time I leave my husband home alone with the kids and he decides to go out without warning me, maybe he won’t forget the baby’s food!! Buon appetit!!!

Husband bashing.

Hello ive been a little busy. I was reminded to write my blog when i was at a bridal shower. In a room full of 175 woman the topic of husbands is bound to come up. Sorry to admit it boys but we dont have naked men walking around selling us tickets to distract us from remembering what we have at home. Showers arent that exciting. Its like going for a PAP. Noone really wants to go. It’s just something you have to do as a woman. So i was speaking to a lady and the topic came up of whether or not my husband was upset about the things i write. No he does not jump up with joy every time I write a blog but he understands why I write them. This blog was not created to bash my husband. It was created as a release for me. More like a comic relief and to find out by other people’s comments whether or not all men are in fact created equal and all children for that matter. So it is very therapeutic to find out that I’m not alone and when i look back and read it, before I press publish, I realize that my life is not only a test of strength but it is actually more like a sitcom and nothing is worth the knots you create in your stomach, laughing at it brings more pleasure because I know that one day the children will all grow up and if I don’t write down these moments, they may be forgotten. And as I like to say to my fellow mothers………”whatever gets you through the day!!!!”lol.