Separate yourself

I was having a discussion with my husband about our children and he wisely said, “separate yourself”. And it makes sense. In 2 ways.
1. Physically- I try explaining to my husband that the reason he finds it so easy to discipline in a strict manner and they listen is because he is not doing it all day long. By the end of the day I am either too tired to deal with them so they get away with stuff or I am a screaming lunatic who wants to throw them into a closet and close the door. And he told me. I need to separate myself from them. Take time away. This is no surprise, we all know that. But it’s not always easy to do. Some of us just can’t get away. Some of us get away and we call or are called every 5 minutes. Yes separating yourself helps you to calm down but most of all, it allows you to miss them and appreciate them when you see them so this way you have more patience. You can also try to separate yourself by doing something at home unrelated to the children like surfing Facebook so for a few moments you can forget. Lock yourself in the bathroom and pretend you are on the toilet. And remember you are an adult, not one if the children. You need your space too.
2. Mentally- this means when you are about to “rage against the machine”, take a step back, calm down and breathe. Remember, it’s not about you. This wise man told me. Don’t take it personally. The children are not trying to “do this to you”! They are trying to communicate, test the limits and you yelling does 2 things. 1 makes you upset and you lose the battle anyway and 2 it changes your children. They learn from you and they feel your tension. Recently my older son has begun to have raging fits like the devil has taken over. I told him to look in the mirror. Then I thought maybe he is looking in the mirror at me and that is what I look like. I don’t want my children to grow up with anger. So when they start this process at an early age you need to deal with their tantrums differently. Believe me, as a former ( believe it or not) behaviour therapist, you need to believe this tantrum will be over soon. It gets worse before it gets better because it is a learning process for both of you. You have to show the child that it is not bothering you, that you are sticking to your guns and that it is ok if they want to act like a freak, it won’t get them anywhere. And it really shouldnt bother you. Think of it as a game or a task with actions and reactions, not ” i cant handle how they treat me”. They need to learn to use their words and this is your opportunity to be a teacher. And if you pretend you are their teacher, just think about it. Teachers are not allowed to go psycho on your kid and they handle 30. Do you want them to be scared of you or respect you? believe me. You can fuck up a child real young. You can teach them how to have a good or bad relationship. My son asked me for mothers day, “if i give you 5 gifts, will you be nicer?” i don’t want him to think i’m mean and he thinks that because I scream not because I discipline. So let them tantrum. When they are done, and they do what you ask, they will reap the benefits. DO NOT worry about being embarrassed in a restaurant or because people are over. You are not hurting them. You can bring them to another room to tantrum but tell everyone to fuck off and mind their own business cause the one time you crack, you will have to start all over and they are not the ones who have to take your kid home.
When it’s over, crack open a bottle of wine and celebrate. You will deserve it. Plus when they are old enough, they don’t even hear you screaming anymore. They only hear that you are taking away an hour of video games. That’ll shut them up. Lmao!!
Enjoy the sun. Even if its from a window. Tootles!

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Super mom ?

Yes. I have three kids. Yes. I made that choice. No surprises. Yes. I made my bed and now I’m sleeping in it. Who am I kidding? I never make my bed. All I obviously did for the last 6 years was mess it up. Lmao!!
But I’m tired of hearing I’m super mom! “How do you do it?” Not because it’s not a nice thing to say but because its hard to believe. For me super mom is someone who feeds their kids all the right foods, brings them to all the right lessons, is always on time with children who have the same 2 socks on, and teaches them things that amaze other people, like how to not fart at the table. These were all intentions I seriously had. But it’s impossible. It’s like going up the escalator on the down side. Looks impossible but you can do it if you
quickly miss some steps. No one will notice but you. As long as you get to your destination. But it’s actually you knowing that matters. It’s the sucky part. I’m not supermom. I wanted to be. I think i actually started out that way. But im not. Supermom isn’t the crazy screaming neighbour. Supermom doesn’t put a video on for her kid so she can nap. Supermom brings her kids everywhere she goes. She doesn’t call her mother all the time. Supermom doesn’t teach her older child more than her younger one. She doesn’t make chicken nuggets or hot dogs. She bakes cakes and has lemonade stands. She does puzzles and paints with her kids. She loves them all the time and tells them how great they are. She says bedtime prayers and doesn’t skip pages in the bedtime story. She makes sure they always brush their teeth and aren’t wearing the same clothes for 2 days. She’s on the parent council and serves pizza lunch. She’s the first one to sign up for school trips. But it’s not me. And I get down on myself for not doing everything I planned, the way I planned it. I guess when you’re planning the action, you forget that there’s a reaction you can’t plan. You can’t plan that one kid is gonna love books and the other one won’t care. You can’t plan that one kid is gonna pee their pants or barf right when you are ready to leave. You can’t plan for them to love sauce on their pasta. (A shame. I know) it’s true. They do grow up too fast. Because all those intentions you had on teaching them things that keep getting put aside they may never learn or they will learn from someone else. ( which also hurts). What am I trying to say??? I’m trying to say it sucks to feel like you can never be a super mom so someone please tell me it actually doesn’t exist. The only way I see it existing is if you are not working and you are not responsible for keeping up your house. And that’s only possible for a small percentage. And even that small percentage is too busy doing their nails ( which may be well deserved) to do everything they wanted as a mom.
So to those of you who think I’m super mom. The answer to “how do you do it?” Is “I don’t” I skip steps. My house is a disaster. My kids are not bathed every night. They can’t all read at the age of 2. So don’t stress. Do what gets you through it. Stop reading books and calling other moms super because I’m sure they shove everything under their bed when you come over. Lol. You’re doing a great job loving them and they know it. ( even if they tell you on your birthday, ” Mommy, as you get older, you get meaner”)lol

Fight before 8:00am

Ok now after having 3 kids, I am officially a light sleeper but I think my children have figured out that they can ask me questions when I’m half asleep and I’ll usually give in because I’m too lazy to get up or I really don’t even realize what’s going on. The other day my son decided to ask me if he could play the iPad before 8:00 am and I said yes, forgetting that although it was iPad playing day my husband told them that they couldn’t play until after 3:00 anymore because of course he is unaffected by that change. I, on the other hand are now woken up by them because they can no longer just wake up and quietly play iPad.
Anyway, this morning, My son asks me while I’m in bed where the gummies that nonna ( of course) brought yesterday. I told him He can’t have gummies for breakfast. Although i was half asleep, he wasn’t going to trick Me. But as i fell back asleep i heard chairs moving in the kitchen. He’s 4. Of course now I’m being forced to get up out of bed to brace myself for a fight. “Antonio, what are you doing?” “looking for the gummies”. Of course I’m thinking, “damnit nonna, i could’ve slept!” So i throw in some bait and see if he catches it. It is hit or miss with this middle child. “Antonio, you need to eat breakfast before you have gummies”. Here we go! “No!!!!!!!” “No,no,no!” and he forgets how to make full sentences. “Gummies, gummies”. I say, “Sorry”. So he goes into the fridge, as he had before, and I’m thinking he’s gonna grab a cheese string or something that he knows he can eat fast. But I say to myself that’s fine because at least I’ll have won the fight. I don’t want him to wake up his sister. He turns and looks at me and says, ” I want pizza”. “Pizza!!! Where the fuck am I gonna get pizza at 8:00 am? I’m not ordering pizza. ” I hoped it wasn’t a game he was playing to see how high I would jump when he said ” jump”. To my joy, there was frozen pizza downstairs. “Please make it be the one he likes, otherwise I’m in trouble. Thank god! Pepperoni! ” Sometimes I wanna kiss my husband for buying this crap!! ( I said sometimes). Anyway, I made pizza while he kept asking when it was arriving. The point is, sometimes it’s ok to make pizza at 8:00 am. As long as you’ve won the fight. I’ve never seen him eat so much and he forgot about those damn gummies. The down side is, I’m eating pizza for breakfast. Lol