Kids and sports

Yes let’s all pretend we want our kids in sports because we want them to get exercise. Let’s not admit that we want them to be the superstars we could never be. How horrible would that be? I mean at what point do we realize they really don’t like the sport and if we stop forcing them, they won’t regret it. Some parents want their kids to be superstars, some want them to get exercise, some just dont know what to do with them at home, some just want someone else to take care of them for an hour and some really don’t want other parents to talk bad about them as if they don’t care about their kids. Whatever the reason is, you buy all the equipment so they look cute and depending who you are, Walmart Kleats are just not good enough , but you are definitely at the sideline wishing you could kick their ass!! Seriously, I love watching parents. Some just go for the chance to have a coffee and be a “soccer mom”. Some are always encouraging, as they should be. But I love watching the parents who are constantly screaming at their kids. They don’t care what they sound like. They are right at the line, wishing they could step over it, standing behind the net, taking over the coaches job, dying with embarrassment when their kid is picking the grass. Dude!!! These kids are 4. I cant get them to do anything for an hour straight, so soccer is no different and they cannot be Beckham in 4 years with 3 years of walking experience. Come on. And they can’t fucking hear you out there on the field. You are just distracting them. Especially when they goal tend. You expect them to not look at you when they are listening to you which is different from the rule when they are home, then you yell at them for not keeping their eye on the ball. It’s ok if the ball goes by them, it’s ok if they don’t score, or they let the ball in, and it’s ok if they never become professional. Just don’t ever be that crazy parent who literally walks on the field, picks up their kid, and carries them around the field kicking the ball for them. You look like a damn idiot!!! Clearly picking the grass was way less embarrassing. Crazy I tell you!! And if you are new at this sports thing, the best advice I can give you is—-sit the fuck down before I throw my coffee at you, I can’t see my fucking kid running in the opposite direction of the ball!!!


Insulting my intelligence

We know everyone and their mother has an opinion on how you parent your child but its the stupid things they say that insult your intelligence that makes you want to punch them in the face but you are too dumbfounded by their comment to react fast enough. You are too busy asking yourself, “Did they really just say that?”
I just love when someone tells me to watch my own kids. Like when they are standing near a pool and I am clearly staring right at the child and they say, “watch him!” What did you think I was doing? Daydreaming about the pool boy with a margarita in my hand??? Or when I put the kids in the car and I’m asked if I buckled them in. Wtf else did you think I was doing when I put them in there?? I even get the same comment when I put the kid in the high chair. I mean do you think I want my child to get hurt? What are you thinking when you say that? Do you realize you are insulting my parenting?? And even if i decided to put my own kid in a high chair without buckling him or her, that is my prerogative. The funny part is that I’m on my third kid and I’m still getting the same comments. I’m at the point where I can actually say shut the fuck up. I have more kids than you and yours are not perfect!!!! Unfortunately, there are some people you are just not allowed to speak that way to. Maybe I should ask them every year if they’ve watered the tomatoes and see how they feel. Urgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!