What it’s like to have a phone conversation with a mother of three

Mother desperately waiting for adult interaction answers phone all out of breath.
Mom: “hello!”
Childless friend: “hey”
Mom: “Billy!!!!!”
Childless friend: “No it’s me Beth”
M: “ya sorry, I knew it was you. Billy’s got his finger up his nose. Putting it in his sisters hair. Shoot me. Hubby’s at work.” Blablablablabla an hour about how much motherhood sucks.
F: “So I went on that date”
M: “oh ya! Is it Saturday already?”How was that?” Thinking how she could not remember what a date was. Jealous of her friend and depending on level of stress that day doesn’t really want to hear about it. “Bobby!”
F:”No, his name was Pete”
M: “I know, sorry. Bobby thinks he’s superman flying off the couch”
F: ” We went to that restaurant with the waterfall.”
M: “Don’t touch that!!”
F: “Touch what? Why not?”
M: “Oh not you. Sorry, go on”
F: “and the food…”
M: “you want pasta or chicken nuggets?” Talking to rug rats
F: “We had pasta.” wondering why the hell her friend would think she’d order chicken nuggets on a date.
M: “oh ya? Was it good”
F: “Ya. He got us a limo too”
M: “Wipe the seat!”
F:”It seemed brand new!”
M: “sorry what? These kids are disgusting. oh sounds nice. You done?”
F: “uh what? You want me to call you back?”
M: “no sorry why? Just wiping Billy’s bum”
F: “oh” disgusted. “Call me back later. ”
M: “no, no. It’s ok”
F: “So, he leans in to kiss me and…”
M: “Damnit!!! Let me call you back!!!!”

I could see how my husband thinks I’m on the phone all day but really. Conversations are a rarity. Most of the time I’m returning phone calls. Lol!!


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