Taking down Christmas decor

I finally took the time to take down my Christmas decor. (What???? I had no time. Three kids, remember??)
It’s a little sad cause I love the Christmas feeling and the lights but most of all I love how my Decor covers places like floors, mantles, ledges and counter tops that just scream “leave crap on me” the rest of the year. Now I have all sorts of places where we can put things down for a sec when you walk into the house thar take a week to put away.
Someone please explain to me how the fake cheap Christmas tree gets out of the box and never seems to fit back in. Also, please explain to my husband that I don’t like struggling to get the tangled lights off the tree as he wouldn’t let me get a pre lit one becauseI would lose the spirit of Christmas. I gave in cause I won the battle against coloured lights.
Someone also please explain to me how there are needles on the floor from this fake tree after I am done putting it away. I didn’t pay a lot of money for an authentic looking one so I certainly don’t expect an authentic acting one. That’s the reason I don’t have a flipping dog!!
Of course I’m almost done putting everything away and I break an ornament. Fantastic!! Next year I am really gonna seran wrap that shit and stick it in the garage just like that—decorations still attached.

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Taking a bath

Taking a bath for a mother is almost like going to the spa but not really cause you are doing all the work by yourself. It’s more like a step above peeing alone. But it has to be the the hottest bath. One of those baths where you just don’t notice how hot it actually is after a while of being in there. Of course I do this like 2 hours after the kids have gone to sleep. Let’s be honest here. There is a 2 hour waiting period where you could think they are sleeping and they fucking ask you for a glass of water.

So I prepare all the items i will need around me by taking them down from the rack and I submerse myself in molten lava and after sitting there for an hour almost falling asleep a few times(cause what kinda idiot mother thinks she’s gonna stay awake in a bath ? It’s the reason we give kids warm milk before bed. Stupid. ) I’m willing to sacrifice my life for a few moments alone. My husband doesn’t get it. It’s simple. It’s like me trying to understand wtf he does on the crapper for an hour while I deal with screaming kids.

Anyway I eventually realize I have to actually wash myself, so I start—-body wash, shampoo, condi……. FUCK!!!! “Babe!!!!” Yes, I did call my husband off his comfortable position on the couch. Now, I’m not usually a princess but I decided to take a bath on the coldest fucking night of the year and there was no way I was standing up to reach for the conditioner. It’s like trying to jump into a cold pool all at once. You know you’re eventually going to have to do it but I just wasn’t there yet. I was at that point where you’re standing there like an idiot while everyone watches you. Haha no, No one watches me in the bath. This blog got exciting for a second, but you know what I mean.

He came thankfully and was having difficulty because he had seran wrap on his feet. He was giving himself a “heelicure”. Yes damn autocorrect, I said “heelicure”. Put it in the dictionary before “twerking” and “selfie”. Haha my damn autocorrect doesn’t know what “twerking” is yet. Lol. So a “heelicure” is when you put Vaseline or Penaten cream or anything for a baby’s ass on your heels because you didn’t listen when your mother told you to wear slippers and now you have sock lint in those cracks that are deep enough to see your baby skin somewhere in there still and you wrap your heels with seran wrap. He had time for that. It’s not fair, why does he get to fake spa himself the same time I do?? So much for feeling special. This is my evening.
Damnit now I have to pee!!!

I think I’m finally their hero

So many many MANY years ago-Half my lifetime ago, (Wow that’s scary but true) I used to practice taekwondo do. I loved it. It was like my second home, my second family, and I was proud of my accomplishments. I have a second degree black belt. (Doesn’t look like it. I know) but I say “have” and not “had” because it lives inside you. It never goes away. I always wanted to bring my kids to take lessons- boy or girl, no matter what I had. The time has finally come. I really hoped they’d like it and guess what? They do!! I am really proud. My 4 year old actually participates until he’s tired, not like in soccer where he either picked up dirt or was touching ladies’ hair or both! (Ew!) So then my 6 year old wanted to see my box of trophies and medals and they begged me to come teach them. I have to admit, it was hard to sit on the other side of the glass. I actually did want to be in there. So my instructor from way back enticed me to come into the class and train in the back as clearly joining a black belt class would be suicide. I put on that uniform. (Yes it still fit!!!) and I decided to go train. Kicking the bag was pure adrenaline but then it kicked in, the embarrassment. I just thought how bad my joints were gonna crack, or my back was gonna give out, i kicked myself for not getting that pedicure and the worse part was kids that weren’t even born when I used to train are higher rank then me now. So I swallowed my pride and did it for my kids because they really wanted me to and I thought I should be a good role model. Of course never because i needed to do something for myself. But I forgot that I was a certain age and trying to remember patterns I used to be able to do in my sleep, was a challenge. I was a little disappointed in myself. But something happened today. Today I took my son aside to show him the white belt patterns, which I knew, thank God, and he giggled. He wouldn’t stop giggling. Now my first reaction was to get upset because in my day, giggling was unheard of in the class and was rewarded with push ups but I realized he was giggling because his mother was a black belt and others were watching his mother teach him. He was so honoured to have me as his mother. Not something a 6 year old usually expresses. It’s kinda like when you’re the hot mom at school. Get it?? However that feels. Lol. It made me kinda proud of myself and I realized that this was a life lesson. 1.Doing something your kids want to do, makes you an inspiration. And 2. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know everything. Your kids don’t know that. As long as you know a little more than them, you can teach them something and you are doing a great job as a parent. So thanks to my son for pushing me to do something I always wanted to and to my instructor for not allowing me to fail.