I work from home but there are occasions where I get to leave my dungeon and go to run errands. I would like to feel somewhat normal and I feel I am entitled to a coffee like other people who work in offices get to do on their lunch breaks (which I don’t get). When I think of all the wasted lunch hours I used to have at my old job where I could have napped, it pains me. Most importantly I hate making a pot of coffee with 2 cups cause it makes me feel like an alcoholic. I actually started making 4 cups in the hopes someone else would show up.
I love McDonald’s coffee but sometimes, like on “buses cancelled due to never seen in my life scary as hell ice storm” day, I have to bring my kids with me to get coffee. There are rare occasions where I decide they shouldn’t eat unhealthy food, cause of course it doesn’t matter what hour of the day it is, when they see 2 yellow arches, they are hungry. I’m starting to think McDonald’s steels our kids and turns them into Pavlov dogs while we are not looking. For those of you who don’t know what Pavlov dogs are, they are dogs that heard a bell ring and then were given food and eventually every time they heard a bell they salivated of hunger.
So sometimes I decide to go to a coffee shop where they may or may not want food. Yes, I am risking a doughnut here but I won’t feel so bad about the bagel. Lol. On this specific day, my kids decided they wanted breakfast sandwiches at 5 minutes to 11:00am. Now I always understood that breakfast ended at 11:00am. The truth is, I couldn’t make it to McDonalds on time to still tell my kids they are not serving fries yet.
So as a parent, you need to know that you need to ask your kids at least 3 minutes before you order what they want 2 or 3 times because the first time they are usually not listening to themselves and the third time is to make sure they didn’t change their mind. Trust me. It’s happened. So I’ve learned my lesson. As a parent you can appreciate how great it is when 2 kids come to a decision at 2 min before 11:00am when you are going to reach the speaker you order into. So I ask the girl if they are still serving breakfast-with fingers crossed. The last thing you want to do is hold up a line. It’s like waiting for the old lady at the cash to come up with change to make $100!! You think she’s cute but you want to punch her at the same time. They should just keep fucking rolls of coins in their purse along with the rest of their house they keep in there. It would make calculating so much easier and keep me from punching my kid who keeps asking for candy!! (You know they put candy at the cash on purpose for 2 reasons-1. They know a parent will eventually give in to avoid embarrassment of a tantrum you can’t walk away from cause you’ve already put your groceries down on the conveyer and 2.While you wait for the old lady, you make up every excuse as to why you still have room in your thighs for a chocolate bar. )
So here I am all prepared and happy my kids want a breakfast sandwhich And breakfast actually ends at 12:00pm at this place. Points for them!! But they lose points for not hiring people that have their own children, cause definitely this lady could not have had children. I tell her my order and she says they are out of hash browns, I can have a cookie, doughnut or muffin. So I give my kids 2 choices instead of 3 (cause that would be death) and my son says, “what’s a muffin?” So I explained it has chocolate chips like the one mommy eats (Im guilty. You caught me. ) He says he wants that. Great, that was the fastest decision and non complaint he’s ever given me in his life. I was happy but sweating at the same time cause to tell a second child he was SOL is another story. He decides he wants a blue jay doughnut. Yes they have those but I doubt in the winter and I was right so I told him they didn’t have it and I just ordered his usual vanilla dip which took me an ion to stop calling sprinkle doughnut. I think they should change it. So we get through that. Now they need a drink. They both wanted raspberry lemonade. I was so impressed with their quick decision making. Of course the lady says they are out of that.
Now (as I breathe to go on) this is a drive through with 2 lanes and I’ve been there when its busy. It wasn’t busy. And if I am taking too long, go the fuck around. It’s not like you have all your groceries on the conveyer belt already damnit!!! As I turn to ask my kids if lemon is ok, this lady in the speaker says, “ma’am you are holding up the line.” Now listen lady, are you fucking stupid??? I drive a Dodge Caravan. It’s not a love mobile!!! I obviously have kids in the back and if you have kids, you would understand. So I turn to the speaker and say to her, “Everything I ask you for, you don’t have. So I obviously have to ask what they want instead of what they decided.” Urgh!!!!!!! Seriously, I held back what I really wanted to say. But it’s not my fault she’s going over her time limit per customer!!!!! She’s lucky I was in a good mood that day.
So if you take anything from this blog it’s these few things
1. Make sure you have a back up order from your kids.
2. Make sure you don’t have a purse full of change
3. Before you go into a line up, make sure the person in font if you is not an old lady
4. If you go to a drive through with 2 lanes and see a Dodge Caravan in front of you, go the fuck around!!!
I’m just trying to help.